Another rant
Hmm…It's raining since yesterday. The atmosphere seems gloomy. I feel gloomy. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's the atmosphere, may be it's coz I m missin her. She doesn't care is another story. Don't feel like doing anything. This weather just makes me want to leave my daily worries behind and just sit and ponder. Yeah just ponder. About anything. I think about me, love, life; of course after thinking about something I do consider it for my blog. And then, somehow it doesn't work out. But yeah, this time around it has made me sit down and write, something I thought I would not be able to do for a long time.
But here I am…
My life has been a roller coaster ride this past few months, it really has. Strange as it may sound, if I try to remember what all happened in the past few months, it's a blur. The memory doesn't come to me as smoothly as I would want it to. Some things do register themselves as significant events but the rest just wander off into a mist. I think it's precisely because of the roller coaster kind of time I mentioned. There was no uniformity. Not in my life, not in my mind. I was flitting from being a blogaddict to a final year student to just lazing around to being in that reservation struggle and more. I don't know where I stand sometimes. I don't where these months have gone. It's like I was living another life and when I return to my college, I am still stuck with old memories as if I was not here a few months. Ok this may sound stupid to some, but what the hell I am living it. I don't conform to society regulations very easily. My mind doesn't let me. It just keeps running wild. So if I am told that I am in final year medicine and there's so little time and I shouldn't waste any, I would most probably do just that. This may come back to haunt me in the end but I have accepted it as a personality trait. I am not gonna feel guilty and punish myself even more. I'll do it my way. I will score, I will be a good doctor and with it, I will blog, I will dance, I will play music and I will watch loads of TV. This is just the way I am.
That reminds me of a new passion. Not new considering I started it in January. That's playing music. I got this music software where I can play any instrument using my keyboard and fell in love with it. I am pretty bad at it without doubt but it's also true that I am improving. I am teaching myself to play. I put on a song and try to hit the keys to play tune. I don't get it exactly but I've reached up to 70-80% accuracy. And that's pretty good for me. There are some songs that I have been able to play and some that I have composed but don't know how to play them on the key board yet. I love music, especially the grand piano. I just sit here and play keys randomly and it sounds like heaven. A piano cannot sound bad no matter who plays it.
Saw a patient a few days back. 14 yr old female with fever with chills for about a month now. She just lies on the bed shivering. Her parents have taken her to few hospitals but to no avail. She has bacterial meningitis. It is treatable with antibiotics but don't know why she isn't responding. A possibility is that the organisms are resistant to the drugs. Was going through her file that day and saw a line written in broken Hindi that said, 'We don't have money so we can't do the investigation.' It was signed by the mother. It really did something. I felt something. What would go through your mind when writing something like this when your daughter is so sick?
Have seen many such cases here. Have become kinda immune to the sorrow of poverty and pain now; the side-effect of being a doctor. But I don't know why this touched a string inside.
And there I was wanting to buy another pair of jeans…..
But here I am…
My life has been a roller coaster ride this past few months, it really has. Strange as it may sound, if I try to remember what all happened in the past few months, it's a blur. The memory doesn't come to me as smoothly as I would want it to. Some things do register themselves as significant events but the rest just wander off into a mist. I think it's precisely because of the roller coaster kind of time I mentioned. There was no uniformity. Not in my life, not in my mind. I was flitting from being a blogaddict to a final year student to just lazing around to being in that reservation struggle and more. I don't know where I stand sometimes. I don't where these months have gone. It's like I was living another life and when I return to my college, I am still stuck with old memories as if I was not here a few months. Ok this may sound stupid to some, but what the hell I am living it. I don't conform to society regulations very easily. My mind doesn't let me. It just keeps running wild. So if I am told that I am in final year medicine and there's so little time and I shouldn't waste any, I would most probably do just that. This may come back to haunt me in the end but I have accepted it as a personality trait. I am not gonna feel guilty and punish myself even more. I'll do it my way. I will score, I will be a good doctor and with it, I will blog, I will dance, I will play music and I will watch loads of TV. This is just the way I am.
That reminds me of a new passion. Not new considering I started it in January. That's playing music. I got this music software where I can play any instrument using my keyboard and fell in love with it. I am pretty bad at it without doubt but it's also true that I am improving. I am teaching myself to play. I put on a song and try to hit the keys to play tune. I don't get it exactly but I've reached up to 70-80% accuracy. And that's pretty good for me. There are some songs that I have been able to play and some that I have composed but don't know how to play them on the key board yet. I love music, especially the grand piano. I just sit here and play keys randomly and it sounds like heaven. A piano cannot sound bad no matter who plays it.
Saw a patient a few days back. 14 yr old female with fever with chills for about a month now. She just lies on the bed shivering. Her parents have taken her to few hospitals but to no avail. She has bacterial meningitis. It is treatable with antibiotics but don't know why she isn't responding. A possibility is that the organisms are resistant to the drugs. Was going through her file that day and saw a line written in broken Hindi that said, 'We don't have money so we can't do the investigation.' It was signed by the mother. It really did something. I felt something. What would go through your mind when writing something like this when your daughter is so sick?
Have seen many such cases here. Have become kinda immune to the sorrow of poverty and pain now; the side-effect of being a doctor. But I don't know why this touched a string inside.
And there I was wanting to buy another pair of jeans…..
Comments
About the lil girl... I've felt the same thing over and over again when I visit Mother Teresa's Missinonaries of Charity here. There's a lil girl who's mentally challenged and was cast off by her family. She's as old as me now and I've seen her grow up, wearing my old clothes and playing with my dolls. Whenever I return from a visit, I get down on my knees and pray...for me and for her and then I cry cause I can't help it.
Cause none of us really can...
For the lil girl. Ucant help it just do ur best as a doctor. Sometimes lifes just unfair...
:)
the template is really cool! i love music too! cud u tell me wat software is this...playing music with a keyboard? also cud u tell me where is it possible to get it?