Running in my head...

One of the biggest problems doctors face is the conflict between your mind and your heart. I am sure everyone does have such moments but none as heartbreakingly critical or poignant as a doctor. During my internships too I had these dilemmas. Especially when facing a very poor patient, patients dangerously careless and ignorant about their healths , abusive husbands, violent patients, the list goes on.... It is during these times that one is compelled to decide between the heart and the mind. Anyway, this isn't a medicine related post or I would have put it up on the other blog, so I would not dwell into that aspect too much. The post is about my own personal realisation and acceptance albeit from this. While reading about medical ethics in the US recently, I came across a seemingly simple 'law'. Yes folks, it is the law. It says, ' A competent patient has the right to refuse or choose their treatment'. Yes, it does seem pretty straight forward and obvious but the...

It's been more than a year I suppose since I've been bit by the bug of international chat, the fascination of the world beyond and of the people beyond. I have had many an interesting encounter in this little initiative. It was an extremely interesting and exciting journey knowing how people around the world are different and yet so similar. This may seem a bit childish for someone who has travelled and has international friends. But I am among the majority in India who hardly ever see a non Indian in real life let alone know one. Meeting people from around the world was an interesting mix of similarities in thinking and living to dissimilarities that glared back. I could go on about this but the real subject of the post is something else. It is something the struck me recently, while talking to someone perhaps. It was the realization of the dimensions of my world. The title as well as the post doesn't talk about the whole wide world as we know it. It is about our...

Fights. Anger. Hatred. Common words. Common occurrences. Inevitable........or are they? I don't think so. I am not a saint. But I think I can avoid getting all angry most of the times. I believe anyone can. It's just a matter of a bit of patience. Some empathy. And some plain common sense. I had earlier posted about Power-Struggle as being one of the reasons for fights.Today I would talk about another common tendency. The quintessential I. I is everything. We grow up thinking about the world with regards to us. We like, dislike, learn and and even judge the whole world around us with us as the centre of everything. All this is fine but things start going wrong when the I begins getting bigger than it should. Self Confidence borders Over Confidence. Self Respect borders Huge Ego. When somehow everything that you say inevitably seems right and if it isn't no one else except yourself are able to detect it. This may sound funny but I believe not only do such freaks exist they ...

X: Yaar, I dont think I am made for this profession. I don't 'Love' it, u know. Like really passionately. I dont think I m that talented in it either. I wanna do something that I love for the rest of my life. Not just get stuck into something I don't. I just feel maybe I should change my profession. Y: So what is it that you love? X: I don't know... Y: So if U don't know what u love and wanna do, isn't it better to do good at what U dont love but r still into? At least till you know what is it you love?

It is weird how things just happened in a way that I landed with this topic. The first idea of a post came when I read this story in the newspaper. For those too lazy to visit the link, it speaks of a accident victim who had a pipe lodged in his neck and chest saying he doesn't have any grudges against the driver who dashed into him and has chosen to forgive him. It think it's a great gesture and should be talked about all over to get such a thing as forgiveness to be considered among virtues again. I believe it's not looked up to as much anymore and the one who can give back is the only one who is respected...as I've talked about in an earlier post . So, anyway..This got me thinking about doing a post about forgiveness. Then as I came online today, a real close friend of my past msged me. Now this guy was pretty close to me when he went abroad for studies. It's been 4 yrs since he's talked to me.It started with him not replying me on msngr. I did scrap him on...

"What's the point of living if you do as everyone does and has been doing? Would the world be any different if you weren't there?" I dont trust people just coz everyone does. I dont believe in following what has always been. I dont believe someone's greater just because they came before. I dont believe the phrase, 'There can be no one like him/her'. I dont believe 'What's old is wise'.I dont believe a singer is better just coz he has learnt classical singing. Or a dancer is better only because he's learnt salsa or bharat natyam for 20 yrs. Yes. I would respect ancient wisdom. I would respect people who came up with the complicated raagas(in music) and nrutyas (in dance). I respect people who have made wonderful discoveries.People who made religions that millions follow till this day. People who went out of the way. People who are great, in the true sense of the word. But, Don't tell me it cant be done again. Don't tell me I cant be...

One of the biggest questions I've faced in life is the heart v/s mind dilemma. How do you live your life? following your heart or following your mind? What do you give more importance to, love or money? I personally am one who worships the heart. I think it's what makes us human. That is the only thing that we can be proud about as humans, I feel. But then what do I know? I am stupid. I am a dumb little boy who lives more in his dreams than in real life. I am sure everyone and maybe even myself would respect a person who gave up every pleasure in his life and worked single mindedly on achieving success more than one who lived life loving dearly his loved ones. But it's so sad. Now I know if I saw a guy in school saying he's all in love and he's gonna dedicate his life to the one he loves, I'd think he's stupid. But if I see a guy who doesn't know the worth of the person who loves him dearly I'd feel he's damn stupid too no matter how successful h...

Well…I saw Kank today and must admit I felt it. Yeah I didn’t enjoy it, I felt it. It’s definitely closer to reality than any of Karan’s movies. And It did make me think. Very well directed I must say taking into account the minor intricacies of human emotions. The characters of Dev and Maya beg to be empathized with. And I did. It’s really pretty funny how our mind works. It’s not back and white. There’s no right or wrong. Sometimes the right is wrong and sometimes all we wanna do is something we know is wrong. It’s very easy to judge and say someone’s wrong. But are they really? Is it their fault that we are made this way? So confused. So unsure. So mixed up. Yes we are. What do we do when there’s that epic battle between your mind and your heart? Who should you listen to? What do you do when it’s not working out? What do u do when you are so very different? What role does love play in the scheme of things? What is it worth? Is it worth your marriage? Is it worth your career? Is it ...

Hmm…It's raining since yesterday. The atmosphere seems gloomy. I feel gloomy. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's the atmosphere, may be it's coz I m missin her. She doesn't care is another story. Don't feel like doing anything. This weather just makes me want to leave my daily worries behind and just sit and ponder. Yeah just ponder. About anything. I think about me, love, life; of course after thinking about something I do consider it for my blog. And then, somehow it doesn't work out. But yeah, this time around it has made me sit down and write, something I thought I would not be able to do for a long time. But here I am… My life has been a roller coaster ride this past few months, it really has. Strange as it may sound, if I try to remember what all happened in the past few months, it's a blur. The memory doesn't come to me as smoothly as I would want it to. Some things do register themselves as significant events but the rest just wander off into a mi...

Exams have passed off pretty uneventfully. The things that are bugging me a lot these days are the egos. There are so many huge egos around. No one likes to be told what to do no matter if we are right or wrong. No one wants to discuss anything- there's no need, I know I am always right. And all sorts of fights take place out of nothing just because somebody's ego got hurt. It's really driving me crazy trying to figure out what to do. I mean I am unable to just let it be. It's so damn wrong. So I stand up and try to reason out with these egos the rights and wrong of the matter. But, not surprisingly, I end up giving some discomfort to that huge thing… the ego. And I am the one in a fight and it's just impossible to reason out things with someone who's hell bent on listening to no one else and proclaiming himself right. I should just stay away but it just feels bad coz it's so unfair. I don't know how to change these people. I mean I feel I should ta...

Which one is the real me? I am not sure. I am so different for different people. I don't do it intentionally. I don't like to 'act' with people. But it's as if I am programmed. May be it's true for most people. But it really is extreme for me. There are so many people who think or 'know' that I am a very shy person. I am unable to talk that I am very outgoing and naughty. I keep on doing all sorts of antics, cracking jokes freely. Whenever I am in social gatherings, all I can do is sit quietly in one corner. Similar to this are some people who think I am a man of few words. I don't like to talk too much. Instead of talking useless things I just talk to the point. There are some who think I am really sweet for some nice gestures showing love and caring. Then there are some who think I am a snob because I am unable to even wish somebody or gift on their birthday just coz it makes me uncomfortable. Some people think or 'know', playing pranks ...

The Magic, it's there, we just don't realize it. Have you ever paid attention to the sensation of touch? We hardly ever notice it. But it forms a huge part of how we perceive this world. If we lose it, we won't know where the ground is and walk stamping the feet on the ground. We won't feel our clothes, which you would say we never do any ways, but we do and it makes a difference. As we don't feel anything we might injure ourselves all the time. Even a simple thing like walking can injure us. That's the reason why Leprosy patients are seen with lost fingers. The injuries continue till the fingers are lost. You won't feel the water when you bathe. And perhaps the worst of all, you won't feel the touch of your loved ones. I believe in the power of touch. It is more important that we give it credit for. Touching shows affection. It does make us feel good. If we are feeling sad and a friend holds your hand or rubs your back it affects us. We feel happy. This...

I know we have all heard discussing is the best way to solve mutual differences. All differences can be sorted out by dialogue. I think it's a farce. It's just a way devised to avoid people from resorting to violence. It can't actually solve anything. Here's an example: Person A: I think this is the right thing. Person B: I think this is the right thing. (…referring to the opposite thing, of course.) A: No you see this is the right thing because of this reason, this reason, this reason see there are so many things that prove that this is the right thing. B: I don't think so. That isn't the right thing. What about this? And this? And this? A: What are you saying? This is so clearly the right thing. Look at all these arguments… B: No, I don't think so. I think my argument is more powerful. A: I believe you are wrong. Please try to look at it from a neutral point of view. B: No, you try to look at it from the neutral point of view. I am looking at it from the r...

Tomorrow is my birthday. I know I should have started the post with a yippee or a hurray... but I just don't feel like it. I am not at all excited about tomorrow as I should be perhaps. I don't even know what am I gonna do tomorrow. May be what I do everyday.... just slouch around the house during the day and then go to the gym in the evening. I don't remember ever actually being too excited about my birthday. I've never really celebrated my birthday too. Part of the reason being that most of my friends would go to their native place for their school vacations. But somehow I just don't feel there's anything special in this day. So what if I was born this day? That's done and over with. I don't have any happy memories about that day, no wait.......ok right I don't. So what would make celebrate it. I don't know. I've never ever been too excited about any presents too. I get stuff all through the year from my parents. And nobody else actually gi...

Faith is very important. No matter how intelligent we become, no matter how technologically advanced we become, it'll still have a place in society. People are like babies. You keep them in a safe secure room alone and they will start crying take them out in a car or something holding their hand they won't mind if narrowly miss another car. The same way people are scared of the reality. They are scared of the truth that no one knows where we are (in terms of the universe), No one knows how we came here, No one knows why we die, or what happens when we do. It's not the thought of something that is harmful that scares them; it's just the thought of the unknown. This leads to faith. Faith is right but not blind faith. Once you start believing even having faith that cannot even be logically explained I think you have no right having a mind of your own. If you can't think or analyze, what good is your brain. I remember hearing this once. If you keep an object in the path...

It seems if you stay in Gujarat, all you have to do is just collect a lot of weapons and keep in mind as many people of the opposite religion you can. There's almost a free for all every year. These thing really make me feel ashamed to be an Indian.Sometimes even to be a human. Peace is no longer a sign of tolerance and unity among religions.It's just a ticking time bomb. And wherever you live in India, it can and may happen in your neighbourhood sometime or the other. Although perhaps the state may not be as supportive to one side as in Gujarat. Some of the incidents are too painful and scary to even hear let alone witness. This blind and fanatical belief in religion is gonna destroy India. The perpetrators are not only going scot free, they are national leaders. However much India should be proud of it's culture and traditions, this type of behaviour is just unacceptable. When will these people realise that we are living in a country that is multi cultural and many religi...

It's so strange... sometimes you are unable to see what's near you coz your eyes are fixed too far. An incident like this happened with me recently. Everybody when looking at their country looks at the problems, the negatives etc.These are the things that bother us and thus this is all we think. Yet sometimes the greatness of our country is so conveniently missed. It took me two eyes looking at India from outside to realize this. The eyes that maybe that maybe although couldn't see the negatives were very keen on appreciating the positives. I saw that admiration and respect for India that I had forgotten. I saw how great India really is. I saw the meaninglessness of chasing other worlds when there's something here that can lead everyone. The meaninglessness of learning salsa and hiphop when we so many traditional dances of our own, of striving to perfect our English when we have more than 15 languages of our own, forget Hollywood, forget American music, there's ever...

I sit here bundled up, waiting to be gobbled up, by the world around me, or the agony within me. It really kills when I am feeling as bad as I am right now. It is such a horrible feeling. I think I don't have the strength to bear sorrow. Yes may be I don't. I don't know what to do about it. Whenever I feel this bad this thing comes over me. It is not just in the mind. It has physical effects too. My body temperature seems to rise, my head starts to feel heavy and as I checked I think my heart rate also goes down. The feeling is so strong that it more or less paralyses me. I am unable to do anything, let alone enjoy. It also is pretty obvious on my face as my mom was able to pick it up soon. I can't hide it. This power overpowers me into submission and I am helpless. I am cut out from the world and nothing going around really matters to me anymore. The stuff going on in my head doesn't let me get bothered by anything going around me. All I can do then is suffer the a...

I think there are two types of guys girls like.One is the hero who is always right, always witty , always strong. Women get attracted to such a guy out of the need to feel protected.They want to feel taken care of. They feel secure when they are with him.He can be rude and dominating but she'll still stick with him.That strength somehow attracts her and she can't let go.The other is that sweet emotional guy who touches that chord deep within her heart. He is so cute she wants to protect him. She wants to be his strength. She wants to take care of him as she knows that fragile heart inside him loves her.He can be too sensitive sometimes but you can't hurt such a sweet heart can you?Every relationship can be categorised as beimg closer to one or the other. What kind are you? or Which guy would you like?

Ruby:"I just felt strange, you know. The way he lent over with his hand. I felt uncomfortable. And also the way he looked at me that day. It was very uncomfortable. Or maybe I am just crazy, I don't know. Maybe I am just thinking too much." O woman, beautiful woman, what price you pay for your beauty...! So much beauty, so much grace, so loving and yet so brave. So sad for you, you live with men, not here you belong in heaven.