Drop the 'I' in Fight.
Fights. Anger. Hatred.
Common words. Common occurrences. Inevitable........or are they?
I don't think so.
I am not a saint. But I think I can avoid getting all angry most of the times. I believe anyone can. It's just a matter of a bit of patience. Some empathy. And some plain common sense.
I had earlier posted about Power-Struggle as being one of the reasons for fights.Today I would talk about another common tendency. The quintessential I.
I is everything. We grow up thinking about the world with regards to us. We like, dislike, learn and and even judge the whole world around us with us as the centre of everything. All this is fine but things start going wrong when the I begins getting bigger than it should. Self Confidence borders Over Confidence. Self Respect borders Huge Ego. When somehow everything that you say inevitably seems right and if it isn't no one else except yourself are able to detect it. This may sound funny but I believe not only do such freaks exist they are pretty common.
I am the best. I am the greatest. How can anyone dare speak against me.
Believe me, you and me could and do behave like this too. It's just that we don't realise it in the heat of the moment and we do and say these a bit more subtly.
A problem of many a hot head is the lack of patience to see things from a broader perspective. Yes, most of us don't. And I am not even talking about a perspective as broad as one saying, Violence leads to nothing, World leads Peace. Uh-Uh...I am just talking about a perspective slightly broader than...the I. Yes that's all. Just a perspective bigger than yourself. You can for once think about the problem from your opponents perspective. Even better, you can try although not easy to think about the problem from a third party perspective. I promise, most problems and causes of anger, resentment, and so on....suddenly don't seem that bad. It is as simple as that. Yes I know, It does sound simple., but the trick is to be able to do it while you are just about to start the countdown for a miniature nuclear explosion in your head.Its pretty difficult at first and you may have to try to do it intentionally taking some time out. But later when you develop a tendency to do so during all arguments...Life would be much easier. And all you have to do is open your eyes to the truth. That's all. Just know what the problem actually entails from all sides.
So every time you hear a criticism about you and you are whether about to burst into tears or crack some one's head against a wall, take a minute and see if the criticism is valid. If it is, and if it is affecting others, isn't is right for the person to tell you? Thinking from his/her perspective here. You may even want to think about the reason for the criticism. Sometimes people can't even take well intentioned criticism which someone mentions just to help you. So a person actually trying to help someone comes in the line of fire...and just because the hot head didn't try even a small bit to try to think what the intention of the criticism was.
In Conclusion, just remember most of the fights can really be avoided. Don't be a jerk. Think about the other person's perspective as well.Think, everytime, that there is a real possibility that you could well be wrong.Everytime. Whatever the argument. There is a possibility that you could be worng and you just can't see it. Just drop the I and there won't be a fight.
Common words. Common occurrences. Inevitable........or are they?
I don't think so.
I am not a saint. But I think I can avoid getting all angry most of the times. I believe anyone can. It's just a matter of a bit of patience. Some empathy. And some plain common sense.
I had earlier posted about Power-Struggle as being one of the reasons for fights.Today I would talk about another common tendency. The quintessential I.
I is everything. We grow up thinking about the world with regards to us. We like, dislike, learn and and even judge the whole world around us with us as the centre of everything. All this is fine but things start going wrong when the I begins getting bigger than it should. Self Confidence borders Over Confidence. Self Respect borders Huge Ego. When somehow everything that you say inevitably seems right and if it isn't no one else except yourself are able to detect it. This may sound funny but I believe not only do such freaks exist they are pretty common.
I am the best. I am the greatest. How can anyone dare speak against me.
Believe me, you and me could and do behave like this too. It's just that we don't realise it in the heat of the moment and we do and say these a bit more subtly.
A problem of many a hot head is the lack of patience to see things from a broader perspective. Yes, most of us don't. And I am not even talking about a perspective as broad as one saying, Violence leads to nothing, World leads Peace. Uh-Uh...I am just talking about a perspective slightly broader than...the I. Yes that's all. Just a perspective bigger than yourself. You can for once think about the problem from your opponents perspective. Even better, you can try although not easy to think about the problem from a third party perspective. I promise, most problems and causes of anger, resentment, and so on....suddenly don't seem that bad. It is as simple as that. Yes I know, It does sound simple., but the trick is to be able to do it while you are just about to start the countdown for a miniature nuclear explosion in your head.Its pretty difficult at first and you may have to try to do it intentionally taking some time out. But later when you develop a tendency to do so during all arguments...Life would be much easier. And all you have to do is open your eyes to the truth. That's all. Just know what the problem actually entails from all sides.
So every time you hear a criticism about you and you are whether about to burst into tears or crack some one's head against a wall, take a minute and see if the criticism is valid. If it is, and if it is affecting others, isn't is right for the person to tell you? Thinking from his/her perspective here. You may even want to think about the reason for the criticism. Sometimes people can't even take well intentioned criticism which someone mentions just to help you. So a person actually trying to help someone comes in the line of fire...and just because the hot head didn't try even a small bit to try to think what the intention of the criticism was.
In Conclusion, just remember most of the fights can really be avoided. Don't be a jerk. Think about the other person's perspective as well.Think, everytime, that there is a real possibility that you could well be wrong.Everytime. Whatever the argument. There is a possibility that you could be worng and you just can't see it. Just drop the I and there won't be a fight.
Comments
Drop the I... who will drop the I? You yourself. You can't drop it pranay. It is who you are. Anyone who says I is the ego or whatever is missing something. I is what you are sweetheart. I is not there, you are not there. There is no differentiating you from the crowd then. You then become 'them'.
A little tolerance pranay, why are you getting angry?
I am the best. I am the greatest. How can anyone dare speak against me.
Aren't you saying the same thing. Listen to me... fights can be avoided... Who are you to say that all fights are bad? Agreed shedding blood is never the answer. But c'mon!
In Conclusion, just remember most of the fights can really be avoided. Don't be a jerk. Think about the other person's perspective as well.Think, everytime, that there is a real possibility that you could well be wrong.Everytime. Whatever the argument. There is a possibility that you could be worng and you just can't see it. Just drop the I and there won't be a fight.
Of course all fights can be avoided. Suppose I see my boyfriend cheating on me. I can ignore it, calm myself and let it go. I'll feel horrible inside because I didn't confront him. It's good to not get angry all the time but sweetheart, there are times that you realize that you are HUMAN! Fighting doesn't mean yelling or shouting or screaming. When I confront my boyfriend about the cheating bit, it'll be fighting even if I'm calm. Because I'm disagreeing with his actions.
Forget the I again...
When my dad passed away, one of my aunts told me something.
You exist, the world exists. You die, the world dies for you.
I kill the I, the world as it is for me vanishes because I am not there. I is my identity. It is absolutely wrong of you to blame everything on I. Remember excess of everything is bad. What you are talking about is the excess of ego and are talking about cutting it completely. Think calmly pranay... rationalize. You're cutting out yourself.
I'm not angry! It's just I didn't expect something like this from you.
Ok, first of all, I am not angry. Not one bit. This is just something I thought of while I was thinking...hehe...
As I did mention, I am not saying, think about World Peace and violence is bad or watever...not at all. I am not even talking about example you mentioned viz. Boyfriend cheating and 'There is no differentiating you from the crowd then'. What crowd? Again I take the blame for not putting it correctly. See, What I am talking about is fights that happen between two close people, like friends or spouses etc.. I did not intend to talk about giving gyourself up in front of a crowd or losing your identity or whatever at all...
I just meant, drop the I in a fight. Not everywhere just when you get angry at a loved one or close one.
About the example you gave of a boy friend cheating, I would like to say this. I or no one ever would say not to fight in such a circumstance...I was just talking about fights when opinions differ...and I do think a Bf wouldnt really think he is right....anyway, suppose a friend of yours saw your bf having lunch with another woman. Suppose someone does say that he is having an affair. Suppose you saw him hugging this girl once...what would you do? All I am saying in a such a circumstance is to step back a bit and think, that there is a teeeny weeny possibility that you are wrong in your assumption even if it absolutely feels true that he is cheating. But what if she is his cousin? Would you give him a chance to say that before you do something out of hurt or anger. If after that though, it is clear that there is reason for you to get angrgy. You can. It's not about anger. It's about well placed and justified anger and sadly judging that just won't be possible when you are angry. So just think a moment before you get all charged up. That's all I am saying.
Similarly, there are many instances when a criticism or a misunderstanding can cause you to blow up and just refuse to see or listen to the other person's perspective. That is the only 'I' I was talking about...the one that creates a problem where none exists.
I know Adi, this is a very sensitive topic for you and hence I understand your comment but I hope I made myself clearer now..
Manasa, I guess I can in some cases nay be not all but I am trying to. You know, if you try it really isn't all that difficult.
Btw... you've been tagged. Again.
its just abt perception...I feel I think
Tag again? Arre Adi, tere tags nahi hote toh mere blog ka kya hota? :P
Rashi, Yes. Now the trick is to know this when you get angry.
Craziest, It is easier said than done but certainly not impossible.
We can do it. Just make a concious effort when at the top of anger to think for once that I could be wrong. Just once.
I've thought on the same lines many a time... but collective egos are more difficult to deal with than individual ones. Its kinda contagious sometimes.. damn!
Stupidosaur, Yes. That's right too. But all I am talking about is acknowledgement that one can be wrong. I wish people would understand this 'eye for an eye...' is actually true!
Thank you, I'm glad you liked my post and yes, it was a dream/dreams I had. I actually only blog about my dreams mostly, so if they seem incoherent it's probably because your dreams don't always make a lot of sense especially when you can't remember them entirely after you crawl out of bed.
In return, I have to say I really liked your post and enjoyed reading it. I enjoy the way you write. Thank you.