Running in my head...

Is my life really bad? Or is it just in my head? I don't know. But for a fact I am not in the best of mindsets at the moment. Had a feeling few days back which was very bad. I mean I keep getting this bad feelings regularly but this was particularly bad. I just though of my life as a whole and was completely disillusioned. U know how u hear about these people talk about their life altering decisions and such big changes. I never thought of myself as having any of these things. My life was just going ok. No big surprises. No big changes. But that day I just had this feeling, that if I have to be happy,I've got to turn my life around. I was thinkin stuff like going off and staying alone in a completely new place for a while like at least 6 months or so. This would totally put my career out of track at the moment as I need to study but this feeling just grabbed me that I can't be happy here. Living this pathetic life. Sometimes feel like changing the whole direction of life a...

Am in a strange sort of place. Am facing a huge change in my life. A bad change but inevitable. And I am in a place where I don't know how to react. I seriously don't. Whether to run away, just change myself according to the change and move away or try to prevent it. Right now I am running away and changing. Something that is different from what I'd usually do. But I feel like I am stuck in a corner and there's just one way to go. It's the height of desperation. It's something that would change my life and I've never been so brave to just go and change. But I just can't help it. I'm put in such a position that if I don't change, it feels terrible. I feel left behind and stupid. Both the options feel wrong. I don't know what to do. It's easily one of the toughest positions I'll ne in my life. Stretched to the limit Now all I can do... ...is break. ********************************************************************************** Chatti...

Saw Chak de today. Superb movie. Watched a movie of such high calibre after a long time. The production values are fantastic.Direction smart. Acting commendable. Sound awesome. Camera work slick. The makers have cleverly been able to hold themselves from being overly dramatic. The honesty in working for the movie shows in some amazing scenes. It had me in tears too in a few scenes. It most definitely touched me a few times. I don't know if I cried because of happiness or sadness. It really grabs you. There are some cliche^s but you are too involved in the movie to mind. It did make me feel what a sportsman would feel. As I did play a bit, I could identify with quiet a few things and it felt so exciting.A sports person really has so much drama in his life. The performances that they have been able to bring form the players is just unbelievable. Although not Oscar winning stuff but it doesn't ruin the movie a bit and that is good enough. There were many times when things didn...

What? What is it that I want? Do I know it ? Or do I not? I don't know. What is it that makes me gloomy nowadays? Some days I just don't even feel like getting up from a place. Even if I know, I have some work to do and I can utilize the free time to do it, I just can't move. I am so affected by this mood. Am I lonely? What in my life makes me sad? I not o.k nowadays.Not that I am depressed all the time. I go to college. Do my work. Am pretty o.k there. But Whenever I come home and am alone, this strange feeling takes over, in which I am not happy anymore. There is this need to be happy. I mean, I am not satisfied with normal. I want something that really makes me happy. I am sure there is a reason for this. Just that I don't exactly know what it is. There are somethings that help to lift this mood. I think if I do something creative or anything that does really makes me happy. Something special. Something I can be proud of. But the problem is I can't always do it....

And it's all because of Ajan's tag that I've had a chance to post somethin. So grateful Ajan ;-).What would happen to my blog if not for such friends?! Now that the due credits are taken care of, let's move on to the tag. 1. Which song is being played in ur mind rite NOW! Girlfriend- Avril Lavigne ( and it's all because I read Ajan's tag just now. Now this song isn't leaving my head!!!) 2. One song that describes ur life.... (no self made compositions please!) Never thought of it in this way, but now that I have to, I think it'd be Yeh hai meri kahani- Strings. 3. The song u listen to most on ur i-pod/ MP3/ cell/ PC/ etc Recently it's been Doorie -Atif Aslam. 4.A song that describes best the foll stages in ur life: School days- Roobaru-Rang De Basanti Friends- Yahan ke hum Sikander-Jo jeeta wohi sikander Ur mood rite now- Complicated-Avril Lavigne 5. Your all time favorite song, and the reason for it... maybe some memory/ some funny story/etc!!! We...

I was going through a rough patch lately. And so I decided I am gonna start watching movies at home. Alone.Also, was pretty frustrated today. Was feeling very bad. Wanted something to take my mind off. So I went out and got 'Crash'. It's an awesome movie.It deserves all the praise it got. But this post isn't about the movie. It's about something I've been thinkin about for quite a few days. And Crash just brought it up. I am thinkin big and planning to go to the U.S. for my post graduation and further. But lately I've been having worrying thoughts about it. I mean is it a good decision? The thing that I am most scared about is being an outcast. The foreigner. The brown guy. I'll never be me again. I fear I am never gonna be treated normally again. There's gonna be so much prejudice. And even if it isn't there, I am still gonna have to prove myself...to everyone. I am gonna be judged. There are gonna be many taunts. Worst of all open abuses. I am...

The title is not an apology for not posting regularly. I seriously survived a dangerous accident unhurt. It was my mistake. I got too excited and was taking a sharp turn. Of course the speed was more than my car could handle and it went out of control. It swerved and skid and collided into a metal barricade definitely put in place for fools like me. I felt thrown forward from the seat and felt the seat belt keep me in. I swear if I wouldn't have been wearing a seat belt. I immediately felt so stupid to be doing it. I felt so guilty. I was numbed. The front of the car is smashed. Every time I see a car, I feel guilty.