As I am...

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I wish to write a poem right now
Coz nothing else can express my heart.
One which could cover everything,
that I went through then and now.
That tinge of pain
that spark of joy.
That warmth of love,
that chill of despair.
That feeling of oneness
and one of being alone.
The love, the hatred
the sorrow, the anger.
I can't.
I can't.
Words can't do justice to it.
It's just me who has to bear,
the memories
and live them over and over again.
Strange is the way of life,
I would want things to change
but
if I had to change one thing,
I wouldn't know which I'd choose.
I guess there is no solution.
I hate life for this.
I am not made for this.
Coz I think...and feel.
I can't just put my blinkers on.
Do I have the right to be happy?
Do I have the right to love?
Why am I hating myself?
Is it coz of the way I've become now?
or coz I blame myself for this state?
Somehow everything feels wrong.
Everything.

I am living.
I am working.
I am laughing.
I am sleeping.
Yes.
But...

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