In the battle field with a cake.

A friend of mine told me today that according to some survey, Medicine has the highest number of people with suicidal tendencies out of any professional study courses.
Now the fact that I am here blogging makes it pretty clear that I am not that kind but, today it kinda hit me. It really is a Boot camp. And what’s more, there is no target to achieve, no finish line. It doesn’t matter how much you study, and I am not exaggerating, you can never be satisfied or relaxed about your exams. It really never ends. And even if you study, what you would feel is everything, there are ways in which the examiners can make you go blank.
Now during our ward exams, we have exams on consecutive days and the problem is, the exams get over by around 7-8 at night and we have to report for the next exams at 7 in the morning the next day. And we are expected to know everything, the theory and the clinical part of the subject. I really don’t how I will survive. It’s not about scoring. It’s about surviving this ordeal. What will I go through on that day? Knowing I have to report at 7 in the morn and there are at least three books to be read. This stuff is not even simple. I mean there are a lot of things that can be understood by applying some logic but a hell lot is just remembering stuff.
I proclaim it impossible to study the whole portion for the exams the day before even during the theory exams. No one can read how much we are supposed to. It just is a matter of past memory and ‘Luck’. I don't think even the examiners expect us to study everything. It's physically impossible! It's just made so tough to derive some sort of sadistic pleasure I suppose.
I was very scared today. Final year medicine has a strange quality they say, Even during your last exams you feel you don’t know anything. But in my case I guess it actually is true. Just 18 days for my exams and there’s a mountain of books still waiting to be read.
It really stresses you out like crazy. This friend said he’s not gonna worry about anything and just let the days go by. Even I am like that. But now I’ve let so many days go by without worrying that now there’s no choice. I am scared to death. Today while talking to a fellow student I started sweating like crazy and had a sinking feeling in my chest, I swear. I am really scared. And I don’t think I can anything about it. No matter how much I study it’s still gonna be there. It’s about surviving this mental game. Just live and take things in your stride coz if you start worrying there absolutely is no end. You can worry yourself to death, such is the case.
I wish I study. I really wish I do. I am wasting time like anything.
Now for some good news.
Today is my first blogirthday. Yep, it’s been exactly one year since I first posted here on Blogger. Wow… such a long journey but it just doesn’t seem that long ago that I first started.
Happy first Blogirthday to me!!! Thank you everyone who’s been a part of this year. It’s really been a great year (don’t go by the number of comments).
Now some bad news (or good news depending on how you look at it), I am gonna try to be off blogger for a while. Meet you after my exams. Till then, I have to fight a lot of battles.