Back to Reality

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I m finally back. Oh! What a trip. It really was a welcome change. I've learnt that it's the change that's important even if it is a bit worse in terms of luxuries. Even though there were a lot of problems out there I was out of the monotony of life and got to live a different life for a while. A life with no worries, except maybe for the scarcity of drinking water.
The thing that hit me while I was there is the fact that I am incapable of talking to people that I've just met. It's not difficult. It's impossible. My mouth just sews itself up. No matter how hard I try to speak I just can't.
Many people may think of my silence as arrogance. It's not…. really. I just can't talk. I don't know what to say. I just go blank. There's nothing I can do but at the most nod my head to what the other person is saying. Sad isn't it. Poor me.
But I've decided I am not gonna feel bad about it. If I am like this, I am like this. Now it's everybody else's job to take me as I am. I am gonna be myself, I am gonna be this silent kid that has a lot going on inside the head like the duck who looks calm outside but is paddling ferociously underwater.
Hey believe me. It's one thing reading and writing answer or even applying them to patients in the hospital, but when you are actually face to face with a patient it's a completely different story. What could it be? What is the treatment to given? Is this the right dose? Why isn't he improving? Should I just send him to a doctor? All sorts of stuff come in ur head? Guess I'll improve after internship.
It's amazing how good some people write. I'll be honest, I thought I am pretty good at writing but reading some blogs has changed my opinion for sure. I am average at best.
…..Time is doing its job. Healing is in progress.

Comments

tanvi said…
hey welcome to old surroundings I wish I could take a break myself. Sometimes its difficult to say things to people you meet after a long time one has to look for common points of reference again. It takes time. What matters is who one is not perception of others.I am sure you will be a sensitive doc and ya you write well...very well or why do you think I keep coming back to read it:-)
7:42 AM
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